How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.
How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"
Artist Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his new chateau.
The intruder got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like.
On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, the minister of finance, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower.
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."
--Pablo Picasso (seriously, he said this)
Suggested bumper sticker for the starving artist: "My other car is a bike, too."
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied.
"The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."
After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date.
Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am?"
"That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; almost bald; her nose was longer than her arm; she had a full beard on her face; and her ankles were thicker than her thighs."
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."
There was this world famous muralist. In the prime of his career, he started losing his eyesight.
Fearful that he might lose his life as a painter, he went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After long hours of delicate eye surgery and months of therapy, his eyesight was restored.
The painter was so grateful that he decided to show his gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.
Part of his work included painting a beautifully realistic gigantic eye on one wall.
When he had finished his work, he held a press conference to unveil his latest work of art entitled, "The Doctor's Office."
During the press conference, one reporter asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office artwork - especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'"