Billionaires for Wealthcare Join the Debate

Finally, a good laugh and a group worth joining...and not a moment too soon.

"Billionaires for Wealthcare" is a grassroots network of health insurance CEOs, industry lobbyists, talk-show hosts, and others profiting off of our broken health care system.

Above, Ms. Z Roe Compassion protests at the Teabagger's 9-12 Rally in DC

Spokesman Phil T. Rich speaks for Billionaires for Wealthcare: "We are not a political, religious or even a particularly well-organized group. We're simple folk, thrilled profiteers pouring out of our corner offices to dance on the grave of "Change."

Healthcare Attys. Bill M. Moore & Frida Market take time out of their lunch hour to lobby for the status quo.

"We'll do whatever it takes to ensure another decade where your pain is our gain. After all, when it comes to healthcare, if we ain't broke, why fix it?"

Billionaires nationwide are experimenting with the rabble rousing typically reserved for America’s lower castes, and rising to the defense of health care profits.

Some of their signs and slogans are very catchy and can be downloaded directly from their website along with directions for starting your own chapter of Billionaires for Wealthcare.

The Billionaires encourage a little creative gold embossment around the edges to provide a tasteful je ne sais quoi.

At long last, mocking the anti-reform forces wherever Teabaggers gather can not only be fun - it can save your sanity.

Above, Billionaire Atty Lou Pole takes time out from screeching "survival of the richest" - to enjoy a bottle of Montrachet 1978 from Domaine de la Romanée-Conti.

Appearances are everything. It has occasionally been reported that some Billionaires have tried to gather in casual garb, and to those deviant individualists, the group has only this to say: "Formal is Normal."

Casual (but cashmere) Yachting attire might be the exception.

Here's a quote from the Billionaire website:

"We know that there is a great wealth of diversity among the extremely rich — and therefore among our fashion choices as well. Billionaires come in all colors, shapes and sizes. We have old money and oil money and dot-com money and money at work and money on vacation and daytime money and evening money.

But as important as it is to honor the diversity of our ranks, it is even more important to preserve the traditional image of the Billionaire in America.

Visual unity is very important to us. Remember, it takes conformity, not individuality, to become a Billionaire for Wealthcare.

So don your black suits and evening gowns, and hit the streets!"

Billie O'Nair is thinking ahead to the 2012 election.

The Billionaires have their chants. And the first one is a real crowd pleaser:

Bring Back Bush!
Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Keep the Profits with the CEOs
You say health gap, I say wealth gap.
Stock options, yes! Public Option, no!
Your pain, our gain.
Walk. It. Off.
Wealthcare, Not Healthcare!
Fear, Lies, Sedition! Pre-Existing-Condition!

And The Billionaires have their songs - Lyrics by Felonius Ax
Minister of Musical Manipulation (

“Let’s Save the Status Quo”
(to the tune of “Battle Hymn Of The Republic”)

Rejoice and let us glory in the profits we attain
By rationing the remedies for suffering and pain.
And no one's gonna mess with all our monetary gain.
Let's save the status quo!

If our healthcare corporation
Never faces regulation,
We'll be brimming with elation!
Let's save the status quo!

We bought a bunch of senators and congresspeople too.
They serve our corporate interests and we tell them what to do.
This gravy train will stop the day a healthcare bill gets through.
Let's save the status quo!

Chorus: If our healthcare corporation (etc.)

Our PR team is crackerjack. We’re framing the debate!
We’re spreading lots of lies and we’re unleashing lots of hate.
We’ll drive a stake into the bill the day it leaves the gate.
Let's save the status quo!

Chorus: If our healthcare corporation (etc.)

A decent public option is an option we won’t bear.
And Medicare for Everyone would kill our market share.
We’ll never win the game if all the rules are just and fair.
Let's save the status quo!

Chorus: If our healthcare corporation (etc.)

In every other wealthy nation healthcare is a right.
But not here in America, no not without a fight!
We’re fighting for the right to monstrous profits day and night.
Let's save the status quo!

Chorus: If our healthcare corporation (etc.)

“Your Healthcare Company”
(To the tune of “America The Beautiful”)

Insurance for the uninsured
we've got just what you need:
A really high deductible
You never can exceed.

Our customers, we're there for you
Your healthcare company.
You're just the folks we love to screw
From sea to shining sea!

That swelling in your abdomen,
That throbbing in your wrist,
We treat none of your symptoms 'cause
They clearly preexist!

Our customers, we're there for you
Your healthcare company.
You're just the folks we love to screw
From sea to shining sea!

You're filing your claim and you hope
We're paying for your cure.
We're canceling your policy.
You're too sick to insure!

Our customers, we're there for you
Your healthcare company.
You're just the folks we love to screw
From sea to shining sea!

“We Are On Your Side”
(to the tune of “My Country ‘Tis Of Thee”)

Raising your premiums
Raking in ghastly sums
Coverage denied!
Canceling policies
Causing your bankruptcies
Leaving you on your knees
We are on your side!

And last but not least, The Billionaires for Wealthcare's

Talking Points:

You Deserve the Healthcare you can Afford:

Healthcare is a service and those who can pay more deserve better service. For instance, if a school is burning down and my cat is stuck in a tree, the fire department should get my cat out of the tree first because I can pay a higher premium for their time and effort.

Don’t give the government your money! We are happy to keep gouging you instead.

Government efficiency. Where’s the profit in that?

The current system works… FOR US!:

We like the current system: we get to insure the healthy and offload the sick to taxpayers.

How so? When any one of the 47 million uninsured Americans need care they go to the emergency room – at 5 times the cost of a doctor’s visit! – Taxpayers are already footing that bill nice and quietly everyday. And hospitals get to charge full market rates while we only insure wealthy, healthy customers. It’s a win-win! Well, maybe not for taxpayers…

Sick people are bad for good profits.

We’re a business. We have to cut the weak links in the chain. Sick
people are those weak links.

Some people say the healthcare system is broken. But it works for us.
Just like Congress.

Just imagine all of the new businesses or creative energy people would invest their time and true talents in if they weren’t chained to a job they hated just for “healthcare benefits”. My gawd, ask anyone at the country club – there are way too many nouveau-riche already!

Pre-existing conditions:

We’re happy to accept people with pre-existing conditions: health,
wealth, and youth.

Healthcare is a commodity, not a right.

You want insurance AND a house?! And you call ME greedy?

You think YOU’RE spending a lot on healthcare? Heck, we employ 6
lobbyists for every member of Congress.

Denying Claims:

We deny more claims before 8am than Medicare does all day.

Because nothing says “freedom” like denying claims.

We believe in a free market. We should be free to deny coverage at will.


We’re here to stand up for Freedom of Recision.

Some people might call these the real death panels, but its merely good business: we dump customers from our rolls when they become too sick to cover. Just last year three of our health care insurance companies saved $300 million by kicking out a mere 20,000 customers! And about that woman with breast cancer that President Obama mentioned? Are you trying to tell me that acne isn’t a preexisting condition to cancer? But make no mistake, people don’t want the gov’t deciding who should get care. They are happy to leave it up to us and our legions of anonymous temps using strict cost-to-profit ratios.


Peggi Habets said...

I love it! Finally, a creative, smart group joins the clatter that was once a healthcare debate. Thanks for posting.

Anonymous said...

If the insurance companies win, we lose.

Let's put down our brushes and fight!